if you're gay,I'm really proud of you:)
Why? I’m nothing special
A short poem I wrote: Nobody
Nobody gets the way I feel,
The way I love, or the way I work.
Nobody understands me,
Nor even tries.
Everybody else wants sex or drugs,
I just want a friendly hug.
I just want a love that is real,
Is that too much to ask?
Don’t play games with me.
I work hard in school. I do it, not because I’m a nerd, but because it’s all I have. I don’t go out to parties, I don’t even get messaged first. Work is the only thing that keeps me hoping I can get away. I hate all these pictures comparing valentines day with mothers’ and fathers’ day because it’s not the same, not really. See we’ve become attached to an idealised Hollywood movie land, where you can fall out of love one day and be in a new relationship the next. It’s not like that for me, or probably any of you because it doesn’t ‘just happen’ and our anger isn’t with the fact we’re single, it’s the fact that it doesn’t ‘just happen’. It’s not just that though, my English literature teacher said that ‘no one wants to be pitied’ and it’s so true, so when someone doesn’t get a valentines card, sure it’s sad but it’s better than having received one out of pity. I’ve been fucked over by guy after guy saying they like me, for them only to ‘change their mind’. I’m not anyone’s first choice, I’m also unlikely for second, or even third or fourth. I’m not good looking, I know I’m not. I try to be confident but even my smile is a lie, I tune out of conversations with people not because I’m being rude but because I’m hit by a sudden depression that seems to sprout from nowhere. Going back to my earlier points, I do of course get messaged first…. When it’s a homework question like a nerd would and I’m sick fed up of it. Sick of it! The wind out side is howling, I wish it would take me to a fantasy world like Oz because to be honest, this world sucks.
I’m sick of how I’m treated because I’m gay, that I shouldn’t be proud of it or ‘flaunt’ it. What about straight people? Eating one another’s faces off? Isn’t that flaunting it? Oh wait, straight people are fucking perfect aren’t they? See what I’ve come to realise is this:
Heterosexual ‘straight’ people=Normal
Gay people= Paedophile, ‘recruits children to be homosexual’, and probably the reason hell was invented.
I hate that, ‘you’re going to hell’ or ‘it’s just a phase’, it’s not a phase if you’re 100% hetero are you? Heterosexual/straight people are seen as the norm for three reasons in my eyes and they are: the ability to procreate, being the dominant sexuality in the world and the fear of anything misunderstood.
What I mean is best seen when drawing lines, we ‘ruler underline’ things because it is seen as neat and orderly, but they are also straight. Wavy, ‘bent’ or other types of ‘non-straight’ lines are deemed messy, disorganised and wrong. This, in some ways equates to the ways that gay, bisexual and transgendered people are treated. Straight people are seen as the ‘normal’, and ‘acceptable’ lines, while gay/bisexual and trans people are seen as the wavy bump that needs to be ‘straightened out’ again. Oh look, it’s that damn word again.
Take these two simple scenarios for instance:
A tv soap, two characters are shown onscreen; a man and women. They begin to passionately show their affections to one another; on the couch before an ad break where we see yet more ‘normal’ families before we return to the characters in a warm glow in the bedroom.
A tv soap, two characters are shown on screen; a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. A long kiss is shared, nothing more.
One is deemed acceptable by the public, while the other is slated over and over for what is just an act of love.
So yes, life might be getting better for us. The Pope might seem a lot nicer to gay people. But the sad fact is, people never change. There will always be that one boy, or even girl that sees a simple kiss between two men/women and rather describing it as a cute act of love, they have to degrade it with the same language we use for sex offenders ‘disgusting’, ‘unnatural’.
A Poem I Wrote: What is Love?
“What is love?” I ask myself,
A feeling to me unknown.
I thought I’d loved,
And thought I’d lost,
But only to be told.
That I was just a stepping stone,
To men just beneath me.
To those who have a simpler taste,
Who find their lives so easy.
Is it just me who knows no love?
But only strong betrayal.
Left by the wayside me,
Left without a friend.
See I was just a stepping stone,
A pole for people to lean.
I was not a person,
Not even a human being.
I was more to a bridge than a boy,
A support that people could see.
Yet when the bridge came tumblin’ down,
Nobody came for me.